I’m exhausted. Deep in my bones, can hardly remember what I ate for breakfast exhausted. I’m also tired- tired of carrying stress 24/7, tired of trying to do the impossible, tired of the mean and nastiness of the world, tired of trying to please those who feel they know better than me, tired of this hamster wheel set up in some parallel universe. Tired of all of it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not depressed or suicidal or anything- just sick of life at the moment.
Today was probably the most depressing of my career. When I graduated from college 25 years ago, I had stars in my eyes. I was going to help kids learn and grow; I was going to entrench a love of learning into each and every little flower entrusted to my care, I was going to change the world one child at a time. I was going to make a difference. I’m no longer doing that. Instead, I am labeling kids “below grade level” at 8 years old because they aren’t performing at a standard set by some politicians with no education experience. I’m also testing and doing more worksheets than I ever dreamed possible in a school day. I am setting kids up to fail. You know why today was so depressing? Because out of 17 parents that I conferenced with, half stated that their kids were suffering high levels of anxiety this year because of what I’m doing. Granted, I’m just the puppet on the string, but I’m complicit in this mess. Not what I signed up for. One parent had me in tears as she described what her baby is saying about himself because of the grading and testing policy this year. I just can’t…
I’m also tired of being asked to do 9 million different things in a day when it is not humanly possible. There is literally not enough time to do everything I’m supposed to do in a day- so I leave school feeling like a failure, eat dinner, go to bed, and wake up the next morning to repeat the cycle. I’m stressed out, and I know that’s not helping anyone- not my family, not my students, not myself. I really don’t believe we were made to carry all that pressure and stress. Much has been said about how happiness shouldn’t be the end goal in life; we all have to be the responsible and productive citizens. Really? How’s that working out for us?
I’m sick and tired of hearing about the way we are treating our fellow human beings! We’ve got a bully for a president who has shown the world that it’s ok to name call, withhold aid, or lash out at anyone who doesn’t agree with you. We are having racist letters sent to people in Maine. We have a Supreme Court who cannot decide if the LGBTQ community deserves civil rights, like they’re some sort of subclass of humans. We have people shooting up places and countries attacking others, killing millions. In my own neighborhood, the adults are calling each other losers. Again, I just can’t…
I’ve been reading about hygge and lagome. These are the way of life for the Danish and Swedes, respectively. They are 2nd and 7th for happiest countries in the world, so I figured they must be on to something (For the record, the US was 19th). They work considerably less, believe that everyone should have the basic necessities (food, shelter, water, healthcare), put time with family front and center, and get out to enjoy nature. Sounds great, right? If you need me, I’ll be in a Scandinavian country somewhere, enjoying my peace, tranquility, peace of mind, and family. ✌