Where to start? There is just so much that has gone on these past few months. Life has been messy for everyone, and I think some ugly has started to come out. People are arguing over wearing/ not wearing masks, if Coronovirus is real/a ploy to control people, if police are bad/helpful, if racism does/does not exist…and the list goes on. There was a fight all the way to the Supreme Court to decide whether or not the LGBTQ community can be discriminated against in the work place. It’s enough to make one want to toss their cookies on a regular basis. Seriously, can we all just take a moment, step back, and realize that WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE?!?! Where has all this hate come from? It has always festered under the surface, I suppose; people/organizations are just now showing their true colors. I want to make sure that I am not a part of the problem, so I need to sort some things out.
Let’s start with Mental Health Awareness month in May. I didn’t write during May…or April…or maybe even March because life was insane with impact of Coronavirus on every aspect of living. I was busy trying to figure out how to teach my kiddos from behind a screen, while adjusting to life on the inside (of my house, that is). With the whole mask vs no mask debacle, some people have gotten mean and nasty. One gentleman (and I use that term loosely) spit on a teenager, coughed in his face, and told him that he was an idiot for wearing a mask. I’m not going to go into that incident on this blog because that is just wrong on so many levels. However, the parent of said teenager vented on FB that the person obviously had some sort of mental illness. I don’t know that for a fact, but my gut tells me he was not suffering from a mental illness, but was just a jerk. This whole pandemic has shone an unflattering light on some people. What I would like to address, however, is how the lady just assumed he had a mental illness because he acted like a deranged toddler who didn’t get his way (yes, I am judging his actions here). It is true that mental illnesses can cause people to act in all sorts of ways that are less than desirable, but it is an illness, which means it is generally something that someone cannot control on their own. People need to stop calling people “mental” or assume that someone who acts poorly must have a mental illness. Maybe they just lack manners or empathy; maybe they are just evil. As you know, I have two mental illnesses that I fight each and every day- anxiety and depression. I choose to take my medications regularly,see my therapist, and do what I need to do to stay in my best place. My son suffers from OCD, GAD, SAD, and depression- along with a presumed eating disorder. He also takes medication, speaks with a therapist, and sees his psychiatrist regularly. You would never know that we suffer from a mental illness if you saw us in public because our battles are mostly internal. We do not lash out at others. Again, there are people who do, so I cannot know for certain that the man described above does not, in fact, have a mental illness that caused him to lash out- but please don’t just make assumptions or lump people together in the mental illness category. We shouldn’t lump people together in any category, but I will address that later. Mental illness can be caused by trauma, a chemical imbalance, and a whole host of other things. No one asks for it. Until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes (or head), you have no idea whatsoever the battles they are facing.
June is Gay Pride month. Let me tell you how my heart was broken this month- and how it is slowly being put back together. My daughter is gay. We have suspected this since she was about 5 and have known for sure since she was in high school. She is a fabulous person. She loves on her family and friends, pays her bills, holds a master’s degree, and is a police officer because she wants to serve her community. She was an athletic trainer, but decided she didn’t want to work with college kids who didn’t understand how good they had it; she felt that she wasn’t making a big enough positive impact on society, so she quit, applied to the police academy, and risks her life every day to serve and protect the people of her community. I shouldn’t have to validate her existence just because she is gay, but I do to some people. Those same people, the ones she serves and protects, don’t feel that she deserves the right to marry the love of her life. Those same people don’t feel that she she should have basic human rights like health care and a lack of discrimination in the work place. Those same people don’t feel like her soon-to-be wife should be covered under her policy or protected should she (God forbid) be killed in the line of duty. ALL BECAUSE SHE LOVES SOMEONE WHO IS THE SAME GENDER THAT SHE IS. She is looked at as sub human because of that. She has to fight for rights that should be given to her as a citizen of this country. It is wrong. Thank God (because I do believe He had a hand in the decision), the Supreme Court felt differently, at least in terms of on the job discrimination (thus the slow mending of my heart). My daughter and her fiancee are getting married on Saturday. It is kind of a rush job, so far flung family have not been notified and won’t be attending. They are rushing because they fear that they will soon lose their right to marry. I asked my pastor if he would marry them; the answer was no. He is not allowed to because the United Methodist Church forbids it. The church that we love and have felt so welcomed in will not perform our daughter’s marriage. The church that we felt loved our family- all five of us- has shown us that they may love us, but they don’t have an inclusion policy that includes my whole family in every aspect of church life. I am hurt. I am sad. I am angry. I feel like we were lied to. We are members of that church; we took an oath to support them and do our best to spread God’s word through them. Their policy has turned their back on our child- our family. My husband and I are now trying to figure out what to do. You see, we know the bible says that homosexuality is a sin. We know this and have struggled with that knowledge because we honestly believe that this is the way God made our daughter. She has never liked dresses, has always done the “boy” thing, and has never loved a boy. She dated boys in middle and high school; she tried to fit into society’s fractured idea of “normal”. However, it was not natural for her. I am not going to try to figure out why, if homosexuality is a sin, God made some people that way; He has a reason that we will all know someday. What I do know is that there are lots of other sins mentioned in the bible; here are the ten commandments for starters:
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
6. Thou shalt not kill.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8. Thou shalt not steal.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.
Are you telling me that the church will not marry someone who has committed adultery (and I am pretty sure divorce and remarriage is considered adultery in biblical terms)? They will not marry someone who has stolen something before? How about someone who gossiped or lied about someone else? Hmmmm…..I am pretty sure those people can get married in the church. Why, then, can homosexuals not be married in the church? Do some sins outweigh others? In who’s eyes? Man’s? If Jesus died for EVERYONE’s sins (and He did), are we not all forgiven? I have so many questions right now about the church and where we stand in terms of going back. It saddens me to lose our church family, who I love wholeheartedly, but I cannot belong to a church that turns its back on people. Jesus turned his back on no one- and that is who I choose to follow.
I have always supported Pride Month because I really don’t care who you love, as long as you are a good, kind person who contributes to society. As the proud mama of a gay person- and a human being, I will continue to support the LGBTQ community and be outspoken about it; I will share pictures of my daughter’s upcoming wedding on FB. I will talk about their struggles and urge you to vote to give EVERYONE basic human rights. If you want to unfollow me because of that, I’ll hate to see you go, but you were never meant to be in my tribe, I guess.
Finally, can I just say that I cannot believe we are facing racism head on-still-in 2020. I had my head in the sand and didn’t really feel it was an issue. As I said above, I always try to reserve my judgement of people until I get to know them. If a person has a good heart and leads with that, that is good enough for me; that is how I was raised and how my husband was raised. We raised our children to do the same. However, I never actively stopped to think about how I might contribute to racism, through my white privilege (yup, I do believe it is totally a thing) and through my implicit bias. I have been doing a lot of reading, talking with people, and thinking about what I can do moving forward to bring equality to EVERYONE (do you see a theme in this post?).
I have so many thoughts in my head just rolling around up there with no place to settle. Why are some people so mean to others? Why do some people feel they are better than others? Why do we penalize one group of fellow humans because of their skin color, gender, sexual orientation, beliefs, jobs, etc.? Why do we even lump people together in the first place? Why can’t we all be judged individually on our actions and our hearts? Now that school is over, our move is over, and things are returning to some sort of normal, I plan to dig deep. I plan to really turn to the bible and to Jesus and try to find answers or find a path for myself moving forward in this mess. I need guidance on what to do with our church, how to support my friends of color, how to push for equal rights across the board for EVERYONE. I need to understand how I can best navigate this society that seems so willing to turn it’s back on others. I don’t want to be a part of the problem, but don’t really know how to be a part of the solution. I just hope this blog causes people to step back and think: Are you part of the problem or the solution? Are you sowing hate or peace? Are you judging others based on their ACTIONS or their skin color, gender, sexual orientation, mental health status, struggles, immigration status, job, or anything else? God placed EVERYONE here on this earth for His purpose; none of us are any better than any others. We all have a job to do, and we were all created in His image. When you look back on your life, will you be proud of your choices and actions? I am hoping to be, which is why I have really started to dig deep. I hope this blog has spoken to some of you and/or helped some of you know you are not alone in your feelings right now. I’d love to have a dialogue with anyone about the things I have mentioned. I am always open to learning. When you know better, you do better (Maya Angelou). Peace and blessings to you all.