I went to the dentist today. It was the same dentist I have gone to every 6 months since we’ve lived here (which will be 3 years in August). For some reason, I had to fill out new paperwork and, in doing so, had to check “yes” next to being treated for mental health. I also had to list the medication and tell what it is for. I am not going to lie to you- I considered lying by omission, but I didn’t. In complete disclosure to you, however, I only listed anxiety (and left out depression) when I did fill it in. To be fair, I no longer feel depressed, so it seemed like an accurate assessment. I’m not sure why my dentist needs to know that information, but they also asked for my driver’s license number and hobbies- so I guess they REALLY want us to develop a bond. Whatever.
When I was seated in the chair, the hygienist asked me how long I have been on the medication for anxiety. It was as though she were quoting Jeff Foxworthy and saying, “Here’s your sign.” I told her the medication had been since March- and then she treated me with kid gloves throughout the whole exam.
“How’re you doing?”
“Is everything ok?”
“We’re almost done.”
While I can appreciate the sentiment, two things annoyed me. First, I have been having my teeth cleaned every 6 months for as long as I’ve had teeth, so I know what to expect. Second, I AM FINE. I’m not a mental case (at least not in the “One Flew Over the Cookoo’s Nest” kind of way). I’m not about to burst into tears and start convulsing in the chair or grab the instruments and fling them against the wall. GEEZ!! I will admit to being tense the whole time, but I have always been that way; who isn’t a little tense when someone is coming after your teeth and gums with pointy scraping instruments?!? So, enough of today’s adventures (and it’s only 9:15!).
I have learned a couple new things at therapy since the last time I blogged, and I wanted to share. I found them helpful; they are definitely things I have thought about and will work on (well, two out of three will require work; the other was just an eye-opener kind of deal). Anyway, here they are.
- The idea of introvert vs. extrovert: This will probably not come as any huge surprise to anyone who knows me, but I am an introvert. What is surprising is that I’m not an introvert for the reasons that I thought I was. I thought I was an introvert because the idea of going to a party with a bunch of people I don’t know- or even with a bunch of people I do know- never appeals to me (and by that, I mean I’d rather poke my eyeballs out). I am uncomfortable being in crowds of people at all- and that includes places like the mall and restaurants. I prefer small gatherings. I also don’t like being the center of attention or being in a group of people who might be the center of attention, either. That requires me to talk myself off a ledge repeatedly, with a smile on my face and sweat dripping down my back. Turns out, that’s not being an introvert; that’s having anxiety. Who knew? I am an introvert because I need to be home to recharge after doing any of the above things or even spending time with friends. My husband and I spent yesterday together enjoying the countryside, looking into antique shops, and going to dinner. It was fabulous- but today I need some me time to recharge. Introverts get their energy when they can spend quiet time at home by themselves doing their own thing. Being with others (even close others) sucks their energy dry. Extroverts, on the other hand, get their energy from being with people. If they are by themselves for too long, it is draining to them. Interesting, right?
- OK, onto suggestions: One thing the therapist suggested that I do from now on is think about things that bother me as a bulls-eye. Things in the middle are things that I can control 100% by myself (like not beating myself up all the time for silly things- or anything, really). The things in the next ring are things that I may have some control over, but not a whole lot. For example, I am a rule follower. If someone tells me I have to do something a certain way, I do it- and I expect others to do it, too. As we were packing up our classrooms, we were told to box all the books on our bookshelves (presumably to make it easier for the custodians to move the shelves as they do the floors). Fine, I completely understand and did that. It took only about 30 minutes. My teammate told me she thought that was ridiculous, so she just covered her bookshelves. THIS MADE ME CRAZY!! I know that is irrational- but that’s why I take meds, remember? Moving on…the third ring is the stuff that you have absolutely no control over. That idiot who doesn’t use his directional before cutting in front of you at 80 mph on the highway? Let it go because there is nothing you can do (though I’ve run through a myriad of ideas of things I would like to do, but then I AM moving into the “One Flew Over the Cookoo’s Nest” realm of crazy).
- The other suggestion: Ask yourself, “How much time/energy do I really want to give to this?” If the thing you are obsessing or anxious about is in the middle, do something about it or set a time to stress and then let it go. For example, I spent two entire days sanding and painting my back deck. I had a huge sense of satisfaction when it was done because it looked fabulous – until 3 or 4 days later when I noticed that both of our deck chairs had melted to the deck (it is insanely hot in North Carolina beginning in April…like the depths of hell hot). When I pulled the chairs up, they took four chunks of paint with them. My whole day- and the two days after that- were ruined. All I could think about was the fact that my deck now had these imperfections- and the water was going to seep in and pull up all the other paint- even the paint on different boards that weren’t even touching (unrealistic, I know, but I suffer from anxiety which causes one to be slightly -or obsessively- crazy about such things). It was all I could think about. It ruined an entire weekend. I should have either scraped and sanded the boards immediately or given myself a day to fret and moved on. After about a week, I decided that we could just position the legs over the holes in the paint and pretend it never happened- until my husband has the time to sand and repaint it (because I did it the first time; I figure he could get in on the fun.) If something is on the middle ring of things you can control, maybe suggest a solution and move on. With the bookcase scenario, I showed the person where it clearly said- in black and white- to pack up the books, and then I just let it go. I’m not the one who the custodians will be cursing under their breath- and it really doesn’t affect me. If things are on the outer ring, you need to give yourself a set amount of time to fret/obsess/be angry about whatever it is and then promise yourself to move on. After all, the idiot who swerved in front of me went on his merry way without a second thought; why should I let their actions anger me or cause me to wonder exactly what might have happened if I had looked down to adjust the radio for a split second and thus could not apply the brakes quickly. How much time do I really want to give to things that I cannot control? The thing I can control is how much time I give to the event- and that’s it. I am still working on that, but I am cognizant of the therapist’s advice every time I start to feel my anxiety rise about something. That, I feel, is progress in the right direction.
Speaking of progress, my therapist must feel I am doing quite well because she asked me when I thought I should make my next appointment- and then didn’t freak out when I said in a month. I am feeling great. I am feeling empowered. I am feeling like I understand myself a little better and, as a result, can control my anxiety a bit better now. Additionally, I am on vacation for the next 7 weeks. I don’t have the stress of comparing myself to colleagues or wondering what parents are thinking. That alone will lower my anxiety A LOT. As for the rest, I’ve got this- and if I don’t, I will be able to talk it through with the therapist in a month. Life is good. No… life is FANTASTIC!!