If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I resigned from my first grade teaching position in March after 25 years in education. At the time, I had to do it for my mental health. I had a parent who was making my life a living nightmare and an admin team that I felt was not supporting me in what needed to be done. I was coming home in tears more days than not- and had to run upstairs every day that last week of school because I was physically ill. Stick a fork in me; I was done!
Fast forward 6 weeks and I find myself about to enter a new field- albeit still with children (because they totally rock!). I spent all of last week interviewing and ended the week with 4 job offers. One of them was as a first grade teaching assistant at a charter school. As I was interviewing, the team asked me if I wanted to teach first grade there next year. I will admit, their school sounded amazing and a lot less stressful than the one I left. However, I knew I could not do that- but I was very much interested in the TA position…or so I thought.
Let me tell you something. I have trauma- that’s right, trauma- from the position I left in March. I still have nightmares about my time there- literally…most nights, though they are lessening now. It was not all bad, of course. My class of students was amazing and my colleagues were great. However, there was a lot of pressure to constantly examine data, decide the why behind it, and move the kids forward faster. Covid resulted in kids being out for a week or more at a time for the first few months…and their kindergarten year was just a cluster…but we were expected to get those kids on grade level, regardless. We were expected to meet parents where they were and work with them- even if what they were requesting was unreasonable. We were expected to meet with our lowest kids’ parents every 6 weeks; that is a lot of meetings when 80% of your class came in below grade level. I am a people pleaser and always have been. Though I am working on it, that need to please everyone ate me alive this year. I felt like I could never please the parents enough, the principal enough, my team enough. I am not going to get into details, but my need to please people, coupled with a principal who was incredibly busy and not very affirming, left me questioning my abilities, my knowledge and experience, my sanity. I spent the first week after leaving pretty much napping all the time. I spent the 3 weeks after that getting myself back together mentally. It wasn’t until about week 5 that I felt like myself again.
Back to my job story. So, here we are 6 weeks out, and I was given a very generous offer for a TA position at a great charter school in Charlotte. I also got two generous offers to teach preschool and one to be a daycare provider for toddlers. I took the toddler position and here is why. I do not want to go back to the elementary school setting. I can’t; the actual thought makes me feel all panicky inside. I didn’t take the preschool positions because they have a set curriculum and expect you to teach it and meet with parents regularly to discuss student progress. Again, I couldn’t do it. I thought about it…but then I was offered the toddler position, which is right up my alley! Yes, there is a curriculum…but it is a play-based, developmentally appropriate curriculum. I am not meeting with parents to discuss student progress. I am not labeling kids “below grade level” because they are developing at a slightly slower pace than their peers. I am simply hanging out with kids all day and helping them develop their social/emotional and pre-academic skills. I cannot tell you how excited I am for that!
Another sign of trauma: I went to my former school today to pick up a book I had lent to the principal awhile back. I felt all panicky as I drove in the door yard and just hoped that only 1 person was in the office and that the book was there so I could run in and out in under a minute. When I got back in the car, I felt nauseous…and so relieved to have seen only friendly faces when I ran in.
I am telling you all this for a reason. If you are constantly feeling overwhelmed and dread going into work, it might be time to consider a new job- or maybe a new profession. If you had told me even 5 years ago that I would leave teaching, I would have laughed hysterically because I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a kid. However, the profession is not what it was when I started and the school I landed in was not a good match for me. I was constantly second guessing myself, working myself to the point of exhaustion and to the detriment of my family, and trying my darnedest to make everyone happy. By the time I left, I was a train wreck. Don’t wait that long! It is scary to step out on a limb and do what you know in your heart is best for YOU and your family. It is! People judge you. You question yourself and your choices. You panic at the lack of income coming in. The list goes on. However, trust yourself and God; know that you will land on your feet- He will make sure of it. Sometimes, that one step is the one that sets you free.
As I have said a million times before, you also need to stop trying to please other people. Sure, you want to be kind and humble, hard working and trustworthy. But, you will never please everyone- and that is not on you. People have opinions of you based on their own life experiences and what they know of you; most times, those opinions are ill-informed, at best. Just go out and be you. Do what makes you happy. Make your corner of the world a little brighter. Love on your family and friends.
Finally, know that your job is just that- a job. When you leave, those in charge and your colleagues will not think twice about you…trust me. Life is too short to stay in a position that makes you stressed out all the time. And if you stay too long, it can have longer lasting impacts than you might think. Suddenly veering from the path that you have followed for 10, 20, 30 years is scary- but God has plans for you, if only you will take the time to listen.
**And if you know a teacher, please shower them with love next month for Teacher Appreciation because they are NOT ok.