As I sit back and reflect on this year, I can honestly say that 2020 was not a complete disaster for me personally. Our family has had some ups and downs, but overall, we have emerged stronger. I have learned some things about myself that I might otherwise not have learned- and really solidified what it is that is important to me. Everyone is in a rush for things to return to normal, but if I am being 100% honest, I hope some things remain forever changed.
I hope that we can all just slow down the pace of life a little. We, as a country, reward busyness. We reward people for always working, always pushing ahead, always doing things bigger and better. Where has that gotten us? We are a nation of harried, stressed out, unhappy people (not just my opinion, but the opinion of researchers whose studies I’ve taken the time to read). I was one of those people. I have been running from one to thing to another for YEARS, trying to make people happy and check off all the “things” I am supposed to be doing. I made sure my kids were involved in everything under the sun because I wanted them to be well-rounded and have a resume that any college worth its weight in gold (or tuition) would fall over themselves for. We were involved in church and did all the “things” that we felt we were supposed to be doing there. We did fun things as a family and I was sure to put the carefully curated photos/posts onto FB. What we did not do was enjoy the ride enough. We were so busy shuttling kids and curating our lives that the kids all grew up in the blink of an eye and we grew old (er…older) and more stressed out. Since many of the things on our to-do list were cancelled in 2020, I have had time to think. I no longer want to run from one thing to the next. I want to do what brings me joy and my family and friends joy. I want to take the time to enjoy the limited number of minutes that I’ve been gifted. I want to have the game nights, have deep conversations with friends, read, craft, be alone with my thoughts, spend time with God in my own way, shower love on my family and friends. I really like this slower pace that we have been forced to adopt- and I think this will be my new normal.
I was blessed to get a new job in my same school district this year. It comes with less stress, more time for my family, and different challenges. Do I miss being in the classroom? Absolutely! If I could just teach and work with kids without all the testing, meetings, expectations, and evaluations, I would never have left. However, that is not what teaching is about these days, so I had to step away for my mental health. I am blessed that I am able to still work in schools, to still see kids every day, and to still work with them occasionally- but it is not the same as having my own classroom. I am grateful, though. I work in two amazing schools with some equally amazing teachers who have been working themselves nearly to death to make this year work for kids. I am grateful that I get to see the awesome work they are doing on a daily basis and that I can offer support when I see that they are needing it. I am grateful that I can still love on kids and have them wave to me in the hallways. I am grateful for the amazing PEOPLE that I get to work with day in and day out. I am grateful for my new job. It’s different than my norm, but I am embracing it, for sure! One thing I do need to have go back to normal is the ability to give and receive hugs! It’s a very strange thing to have to keep your distance from the kids who want to give you a hug.
We sold our house within 35 days of listing it in June, thanks to an amazing realtor friend. I am grateful to be out of that neighborhood, where houses are stacked on top of each other, people are constantly everywhere, and the motto seems to be “bigger is always better.” I didn’t realize until we actually moved how stressed out living there made me. It was all just too “people-y” for me. We have been renting a house in a neighborhood out in the country. People in this neighborhood seem to savor time spent outdoors, a slower pace, and kids being kids. It has been refreshing, but it continues to grow, so I am glad to be moving out next month. Our new neighborhood is even more out in the country, has about 10 houses (with no more able to be built), and seems to be much more our speed. I am very much looking forward to moving in soon. How blessed are we?? This is not where I expected us to be when we moved down here six and a half years ago, but I am beyond grateful! Again, a new normal for us.
Our children are all doing well. Our oldest graduated from the police academy, got married, and is loving life. Our middle daughter has found a new friend….who is a boy- but not a boyfriend, I guess….and is excelling in her job. Our son graduated high school a semester early- praise God. If you have followed my journey at all, you know that he has STRUGGLED socially in high school (with anxiety and depression), so we were not sure we would actually see the day. He was able to do the last 9 months of school virtually, which suits his personality just fine and he excelled. He is looking forward to his next steps. My kids have been blessed this year with this new normal.
The hardest part of this past year has been not seeing my family in Maine. Who knew that when my parents left here at the end of February that they would not be back down for who knows how long??? I did know that when we left Maine in July (after an abbreviated visit, which followed negative Covid tests), it would be awhile before we saw everyone again- but I did not think it would potentially be an entire year- or more. That makes my heart hurt, and I can only hope, pray, and trust that our sacrifices will be rewarded with many more years of visits to come. I will be lining up for the vaccine as soon as it becomes available because this is one area of my life that I do need to return to normal!
2020 has shown me what I want my life to be like moving forward. I am no longer trying to please anyone. I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal whose idea of dressing up is a nice pair of jeans with a casual shirt, and possibly some mascara. I don’t want the the latest and greatest “things.” In fact, I want less things. I don’t want to keep up with anyone- least of all the Joneses. I want quality time spent with family and friends. I want my relationship with God to grow deeper. I want to entrust Him with my life and live it along His path. I want to be present and appreciate the world around me. I want to reach out and help those in need because I SEE the need and am able to respond on a personal level. I want to use the precious minutes that I’ve been gifted with to LIVE- not scroll. I want to make our new house a home. I want to make my MIL feel at home there. I want to deepen friendships and show appreciation to those I care about. I want to live by the morals and values that I’ve been taught and hold dear- not by the values of today’s society. I want to surround myself with more civility and less divisiveness. My word for the year is peace. I want to be at peace. I want to find joy in the little things and see the blessings that surround me daily. I want to worry less and trust God more. I want to know that I have given my best at work every day, but then let it go so that I can be present with my family and friends. I want less FB and more real life connections. I want deeper, more meaningful connections in every area of life. I want peace.
I still have work to do. I’ve gained the Covid 40 (Is that a thing? Please tell me that’s a thing and I’m not the only one that ate my way through the past 9 months)-and feel very blah. I am tired of feeling tired and want to remedy that for myself. Also, I refuse to buy more clothes and would love to be able to breathe in the ones I currently own. I need to work on staying present. I need to continue to work on my relationship with God, who (thankfully) gives us a fresh supply of grace and mercies daily. I need to work on extending grace to others more readily (I will admit that I am too quick to judge sometimes…ok, a lot). I need to connect with those I care about more frequently and meaningfully. There are lots of ways I hope to grow this year. We are all a work in progress, and I accept that- which is a new norm for me.
None of these things were a part of my normal in recent years. At best, everything was half-hearted. I was too busy running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to measure up to some societal standard that didn’t even make me happy or help anyone. Crazy stuff, I know- but that is why I am not eagerly racing for a return to normal. Also, I am not really hating the mask mandates; my “resting bitch face” is less obvious. Ha!
As we move into 2021, I pray that you will all be blessed in numerous ways. I hope that you will love yourself without exception, knowing that God made you exactly the way He did for a purpose. You are the only you there will ever be- and that was by design. You are needed and loved more than you will ever know. I hope you surround yourself (virtually for now, for pete’s sake) with those you love and care about and let go of “things” that don’t serve you and those around you. I hope you are able to really be present in your life and enjoy the beauty that surrounds you always. I hope you see more mountain tops than valleys and know that you are never alone- no matter where you are. I hope the year brings you peace, love, joy, and happiness. Wishing you all much love for 2021!