We are entering my favorite time of the year! The time of coziness, family, friends, and food. I am determined not to let my work life overwhelm my personal life during this most wonderful time of the year. I have no idea how, mind you, but I wait 10 months for this time of the year to roll around, and it will not be squandered!!
I have been trying to figure out how to balance my life better. I decided to take a class through work, so that was the opposite of balancing my work/home life, but I love to learn and am pretty excited to add to my repertoire of skills. The big question I’m trying to figure out is what will I use my newfound skills doing? Will things in third grade calm down enough for me to get back to doing what I love, which is to teach and work with kids in a way that empowers them- and still leave me time for a life? Will I switch next year to an AIG classroom where I can use projects and more of the kinds of teaching I love to do? Will I decide to try out middle school ELA? I really don’t know, but I keep telling myself that I have options. What I would really LOVE to do is travel around the state giving talks on bullying and mental health. I am no expert, of course, but I have some experience and can share it in a real world kind of way. I just don’t know how to make that work. I’ve considered going back to school for another master’s degree, this time in social work or counseling- but I just don’t know if I want to make that commitment. One would think that I’d have my career figured out at 47 years old and 19 years into this teaching gig- and I thought I did, but we keep getting more and more piled on our plates as elementary school teachers and it’s sucking the life out of me. My conundrum is that I love working with kids and helping them learn- I just don’t love all the testing, requirements, and pressure put on them and me. Soooo….that’s where I am in the work/life balance department- still trying to figure it out. By taking this class I’m currently taking, though, I am giving myself options.
My mental health is going well, for the most part. There are still days I wake up with the pit in my stomach and have to force myself out of bed and to work. There are still days when I slap the smile on my face, do what I need to do, and then go home and hide from the world. There are still days when my brain tells me that not only am I not good enough, but that I never will be good enough. It just is what it is, I think. I just have to keep fighting the voices and the negative thoughts and doing my best in the world. I am trying to figure out what makes me happy. At the end of my life, I don’t want to look back and see that I was overworked, exhausted, and out of touch with family and friends. My job matters, I know. I am making a difference in kids’ lives by stepping into that classroom every day- and I do love it. Kids are God’s gift to adults. We can learn SO much from them about life. The problem is that 60 hours a week of work is not sustainable, nor does it allow for joy because only 35 of those hours are joyful; the rest are just exhausting. There has to be a better way.
I have taken up crafting, which I’ve always loved to do, but now I am serious about it. I’m going to make my own Christmas cards (or at least some of them- 90 might be overly ambitious). I am painting and have decided to try acrylics (branching out from water colors). I am actively looking for crafting things I can do with friends outside of the house. I am doing a secret neighborhood project that I hope brings smiles to people. I’m doing something I enjoy and it is helping me to relax- even if just for a little bit.
My husband and I joined a group at church that is centered around faith, focus, food, fitness, and friends. We have learned the importance of clean eating (ok…we knew it, but we have learned to actually apply it) and have developed some friendships that I hope grow deeper. In the process, I’ve lost 16 pounds, so that is exciting news. I got my school pictures back from pre-plan and let’s just say that they won’t be adorning any frames-ever. You don’t realize how horrid you look until you see pictures of yourself. So, if I wasn’t already eating clean, I would have started after those pictures came out. We have gone line dancing and out to a brewery. We have shared many meals and talked about some pretty deep things. It has been a wonderful experience for us both. It has helped me to try to dive deeper into my faith, as well. I am really trying to pray to God for guidance on what to do with my life. Am I serving His purpose or is he calling me to do something more? I feel like he is calling me to do something more, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I am trying to make sure I get into His word more regularly, but I never really know where to start.
I am trying to be a positive light in the world. I try to be friendly to everyone and give everyone the benefit of the doubt because you have NO idea what battles people are facing. I glance at the news every day just so I know if WWlll has been declared or anything, but I try not to stew in it. I get on FB for just a few minutes a day, as I have found it to be a detriment to my mental health…or a time suck…or both. There are some people/groups that are very uplifting that I try to follow and I want to be in “the know” with my friends and family, but I skim by all the other stuff. I am trying to live in the moment, though sometimes that moment is sticky and uncomfortable. I am really trying to pay attention to my gut health and use essential oils as a way to get off medications and still be relatively sane. This may never happen for me, and I know that that is ok. My doctor assures me there are no long term side effects to the antidepressant that I am on, but it’s still a goal of mine. I am thinking of ways to bring more hygge and lagom into my life because, alas, moving to Denmark or Sweden has proven to be unreasonable. 🙂
Some days, I really wish we could move back to Maine. My family lives there. My best friend from childhood now lives there, as do some other childhood friends that I’d love to reconnect with. They have 4 seasons there, unlike NC, which has 2 seasons- Depths of Hell Hot and Pleasant. I think education is more sane up there than it is down here because there is not so much testing and there are unions, sweet unions. However, I would miss the friends we’ve made here, the church we love, and the abundance of things to do and see that Maine sometimes lacks (though summer and fall up there are to die for).
There was no real point to this post, I guess, other than to keep you all updated on my latest goings-on and offer some suggestions for those who are struggling. I am taking suggestions for possible second careers or options within the education realm, however. I am thinking of trying to blog more, though not just about mental health. Just life in general, maybe. I’m still trying to figure that out. I love to write, so that would be relaxing. Prayers are most appreciated, as always. Please try to be a light and not a Negative Nelly (or Ned) in the world; we already have too much of that. Lift up your fellow (wo)man. Be the smile they needed to get through the day. Reach out to people and check on them. Be the friend you’d like to have. Live in the moment (even if the moment stinks). Love on your family and friends. Make your small corner of the world a little happier and brighter. Keep speaking out about mental health because 1 in 5 have a mental illness and the epidemic continues to grow. Peace and love to you all as we enter this fabulous holiday season and always as you navigate this life God has blessed you with. <3