Sunday, September 8, is the start of National Suicide Prevention Week, so I thought it was appropriate to clarify a few things about mental illness. After all, 90% of all suicides are caused by mental illness, with depression being the most common reason. Did you know suicide kills more people each year than car accidents? Or drugs? Or AIDS? It is the tenth leading cause of death in the US. In fact, 100 Americans a day die by suicide. I’ve read a lot about and talked a lot about mental illness since being diagnosed with both anxiety and depression almost 3 years ago. I feel I know a thing or two- but I’m no expert; I can only share what I’ve learned.
First of all, let me state what mental illness is NOT. It is NOT an illness that requires people to be locked up in, what did our illustrious president call them? Asylums? People with mental illness are not monsters (another term used by said president). “It is important to note that the overwhelming majority of people with mental illness are not violent and are far more likely to be victims of violent crime than perpetrators of violence,” the American Psychiatric Association responded. (Click link) “Rhetoric that argues otherwise will further stigmatize and interfere with people accessing needed treatment.” (MedPageToday.com). Mental illness is NOT an excuse to be lazy and/or get out of obligations. Mental illness is NOT wallowing in self pity. Mental illness is NOT any different from physical illnesses, such as cancer, diabetes, or epilepsy. Mental illness is NOT a weakness. No one ASKS for mental illness.
Now, what is it? Mental illness can be caused by a reaction to environmental stressors, genetic factors, biochemical imbalances, or a combination of one or more of these factors. One in five adults will be diagnosed with a mental illness at some point in their lives. ONE IN FIVE. Let that sink in. Here is a link to get more great information, if you are so inclined: https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-by-the-numbers. This website was given to us by various mental health professionals as a reliable source of information.
What is it like living with a mental illness? It is different for everyone, depending on diagnosis, severity, treatments received, and positive environmental factors. For me, it is a bit of a rollercoaster ride, with up days/moments and down days/moments. I’m lucky to be able to afford treatment and have a lot of support, so that helps to make the dips a little less…dippy. Here is what it is for me. It is struggling with feelings of self worth, even as my rational self knows better. It is having to force myself out of bed some days or out of the house some weekends to interact with the world. It is worrying incessantly about things beyond my control or that are unlikely to happen (ie. Our dog ate something on a walk one morning this week, and I was scared to death he ate sugarless gum, which could kill him. He eats things all the time, but for some reason, on this particular morning, I was convinced it was gum; I worried all day. Or, as a kid, I once cried hysterically for quite some time when it was time to leave my grandmother’s house because I thought she was going to die. Mind you, there was no reason to think that, but I was convinced. I can’t even explain it.). It is constantly replaying my day in my head to see if I made an ass of myself or if I could have done something differently. It is eating for no reason and hating myself for it afterwards. It is wanting to be alone, but wanting the support of family and friends. It is not wanting to try new things because failure is the expectation. It is laughing at myself before others can do it. It is slapping a smile on my face when I feel like laying in the fetal position and crying. It is always wanting to please people, even if it’s not possible…even if I don’t know them. It is trying for perfection- even though my rational self knows it’s not possible. It is letting little things people say get stuck in my head to play on a highlight reel. It is sometimes getting the urge to throw up, having a racing heart, and/or feeling a sudden sense of foreboding for no reason at all. *panic attack incoming*It is compartmentalizing so you can function and do your job well. It is feeling guilty because I can’t make myself 100% better and that’s a burden on others sometimes. It is feeling guilty because some people are fighting for their lives against cancer- but so am I, and my rational self knows that. It is crying because some days I hate my brain and the thoughts it has- and I just want it to turn off for a bit. It is wanting to feel normal again, but knowing there is no way off this rollercoaster; there are only ways to lessen the dips- which I work on constantly. It is frustration when people make asinine statements like our president did or when they make statements alluding to someone’s behavior being childish or selfish. It is trying to put myself out there to help erase the stigma. It is hoping I don’t scare people off in doing so. Some days, I just want to throw in the towel and move to my own island because it is beyond exhausting. It is also laughing with friends and family, enjoying nature, and loving on my dogs. It is date nights and game nights. It is cheering on our kids. It is going to church to be centered. It is belly laughs and fun. It’s not all bad, by any means.
My son might have a different perspective. I know he struggles to be social, but is hilarious and fun to be with when he is. I know he can’t touch certain things, due to OCD- so he gets a pass. He is not being lazy; he physically CANNOT touch them. He doesn’t like bugs or germs. He washes constantly. He struggles with eating (either too much or too little, depending). The list goes on. Every mental illness affects people differently; every person can be affected by different mental illnesses. Just like cancer. As most of you know, we had a time a little more than a year ago that we thought we might lose our son to his illnesses. It was touch and go for about six months, and even now, we are hyper vigilant because we have to be. This brings me to my next point.
Mental illness affects everyone in some way. If you are lucky enough to be the four out of five Americans not diagnosed with a mental illness, you most definitely know someone who is. I guarantee it. There are also people not diagnosed who need to be. I honestly think I have suffered from anxiety most of my life. It was the joke in my family that I was the neurotic one because I worried about everything and was such a perfectionist. I got good at trying to hide it as I got older- until I couldn’t and it snowballed into depression. My point with this post is for people to be aware, understanding, and compassionate. If a friend or family member seems to have stepped away, contact and support them. If you know someone who seems to be struggling, offer support. If someone comes across as cold, uncaring, lazy, or whatever, please give them the benefit of the doubt. I can explain what it’s like to have anxiety and depression until I am blue in the face, but you will never truly understand unless you yourself suffer from it. In fact, about eight years ago, I had a close family member struggling with both- and I didn’t get it. I couldn’t understand his anxieties to the extent he had them, nor could I understand how he could be depressed when he “had it all.” In fact, I was a selfish ass the last time I saw him because he was so frustrating and unreasonable (it seemed). He was not any of those things. He was scared. He was anxious. He was struggling. I just didn’t get it. I get it now. That last Christmas we spent with him before his passing has been my biggest regret in life because I didn’t show up for him. In fact, I hid from him. I didn’t show him the compassion he deserved and so needed. I wish with all my being we could go back and redo that visit, but I can’t. Soooo….all I can do is share my experience and advocate for others with mental illness. Show up! Reach out! Love on people! Stop judging! You never know what others are dealing with, and the burdens they carry, until you walk in their shoes. Don’t make it worse- or assume the worst. Mental illness is a lot of things, but it is not the person. It’s their illness. Suicide rates are climbing for a variety of reasons. Don’t let a lack of compassion for fellow man be one of them. #thestruggleisreal #suicidepreventionweek